do not slide your hand
into your pocket for warmth
put your hand in mine
I'll hold it while the wind blows
and at the end when it's still
Written for One Stop Poetry Form Monday, which focused today on the tanka, a Japanese love poem with lots of rules! Hopefully I followed them all without losing the spirit of the poem. It was a fun challenge, anyway: 5 lines of 5/7/5/7/7 syllables with a season word, no punctuation, and a twist-- the first three lines must stand on their own as a mini-poem, and the last three lines as well (so the middle line is used in both). Phew! If you want to read more about the ancient form of tanka as well as other entries, click here.
Never heard about that type of poetry before, but yours is a good one I think.
ReplyDeleteLike it! You accepted the challenge and created a fine one. Worth reading several times to taste all the nuances Love the little twist at the end. Almost got me teary.
ReplyDeleteRules or not I love it and the photo is great too.
ReplyDeleteOwww sad ending , but touching and poignant. Good write!
ReplyDeleteExcellent job, both in the picture and tanka. I've never heard of tanka before so I learned something new today!
ReplyDeletefitting words, fitting picture, fitting form fitting...Life
ReplyDeletePeace, hp
Lovely, simple and so beautifully expressed, this my kind of verse :)
ReplyDeleteCheers
Padmavani
This is absolutely beautiful!
ReplyDeleteA direct sentiment, well delivered, and without a stumble!
Marvelous! I wish I had written this!
Lady Nyo
Lovely job! You are such a romantic. :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I really like this.
ReplyDeleteRules, schmules!! It's wonderful either way.
ReplyDeleteLove the photo also!
I found this form quite challenging. You did an excellent job.
ReplyDeleteI don't know much about poetry, Lizzi. But, I love the moment you captured in your photo.
ReplyDeletesmiles. now that is a great love poem...and an excellent tanka...
ReplyDeleteGreat picture to go with great lines.
ReplyDelete"Without a stumble" indeed. Let's hope these two won't stumble when a train comes along :-)
I'm applauding at my computer, Lizzi. The poem works beautifully and the image is intriguing and together you've told a short, short story with depth and breadth.
ReplyDelete