Monday, February 21, 2011

Life Tanka


do not slide your hand
into your pocket for warmth
put your hand in mine
I'll hold it while the wind blows
and at the end when it's still


Written for One Stop Poetry Form Monday, which focused today on the tanka, a Japanese love poem with lots of rules! Hopefully I followed them all without losing the spirit of the poem. It was a fun challenge, anyway: 5 lines of 5/7/5/7/7 syllables with a season word, no punctuation, and a twist-- the first three lines must stand on their own as a mini-poem, and the last three lines as well (so the middle line is used in both). Phew! If you want to read more about the ancient form of tanka as well as other entries, click here.

16 comments:

  1. Never heard about that type of poetry before, but yours is a good one I think.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Like it! You accepted the challenge and created a fine one. Worth reading several times to taste all the nuances Love the little twist at the end. Almost got me teary.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rules or not I love it and the photo is great too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Owww sad ending , but touching and poignant. Good write!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Excellent job, both in the picture and tanka. I've never heard of tanka before so I learned something new today!

    ReplyDelete
  6. fitting words, fitting picture, fitting form fitting...Life

    Peace, hp

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lovely, simple and so beautifully expressed, this my kind of verse :)
    Cheers
    Padmavani

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is absolutely beautiful!

    A direct sentiment, well delivered, and without a stumble!

    Marvelous! I wish I had written this!

    Lady Nyo

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lovely job! You are such a romantic. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Rules, schmules!! It's wonderful either way.
    Love the photo also!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I found this form quite challenging. You did an excellent job.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I don't know much about poetry, Lizzi. But, I love the moment you captured in your photo.

    ReplyDelete
  13. smiles. now that is a great love poem...and an excellent tanka...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Great picture to go with great lines.
    "Without a stumble" indeed. Let's hope these two won't stumble when a train comes along :-)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm applauding at my computer, Lizzi. The poem works beautifully and the image is intriguing and together you've told a short, short story with depth and breadth.

    ReplyDelete